Somebody to love
Having lived in the US for almost 40 years (gasp!) means that when I am in India, I naturally draw comparisons based on what I might expect to typically experience here in America. For instance, it always feels strange to be amidst a whole lot of male passengers when in domestic flights in India; the passengers are overwhelmingly male, with very few female passengers, in contrast to the typical flight here in the US where there isn't that kind of a gender imbalance. It is a similar gender ratio in restaurants
Of course, it does not mean that there are no women in India; it is just that they are not as "visible" as their numbers would suggest.
If females are flying under the radar (yes, a bad pun!) then could it be a similar situation with gays in India? Surely they do exist, no?
As a kid, as a teenager, and later even as an adult in India, I did not know of a single gay person. For that matter, I hadn't known a single Black, or a Mexican, or an Arab, or a White either. But, I had at least seen Black and Mexican and White characters in movies, and read about them in fiction. I had no idea about gays though. It might have helped had I known then that one of my favorite writers, Somerset Maugham, was gay but that he led a double-life because homosexuality was criminalized.
Sex and sexuality was not talked about in the old country. An old Tamil saying captures well the essence: "மன்மதக்கலை சொல்லி தெரிவதில்லை" (the art of love is not taught and learnt.) In such a context, why would there be any discussion of homosexuality or bisexuality, right?
And then I came to America.
I distinctly recall being shocked, intrigued, a month or so into my life in the new country, when I saw two young women locking lips in the public, outside the apartment building. Same-sex relationship being displayed in public. I suppose it was one heck of evidence that I was no longer in India.
Since that first exposure, it has been one heck of a rapid education about love, homosexuality, and the politics of it all.
From a liberal Los Angeles, I went to Bakersfield (CA), which is unlike the image of liberal California. It was, and continues to be, a highly socially and politically conservative place. Here is an example: When the local college invited to campus a well known poet, Frank Bidart, for poetry reading and Q/A, there was a great deal of protest because ... he was gay! And the icing on this crazy cake? He was a local guy, who was born and brought up in the very town before he moved to the East Coast, and he still had family in town!
One of the local politicians Roy Ashburn, who systematically contested and won election after election, was typical of the local pols who were highly successful with ultra conservative Republican talk. (The former Speaker of the House, Kevin McCarthy, is also from Bakersfield.)
True to his politics, Ashburn was also, as one can imagine, anti-gay. A recent interview with Ashburn notes:
In 1997, Roy was elected to the California State Assembly. In 2002, he was elected to the California State Senate. Roy stayed in the California Senate until 2010. During his time in Sacramento, he consistently voted against gay rights legislation. He voted against funding for HIV/AIDS, even when his own brother was dying of AIDS.
Does that final sentence boggle your mind too? Even with that firsthand experience of witnessing his own brother dying of AIDS, Ashburn voted against funding for HIV/AIDS.
And then:
In 2010, Roy’s life turned upside down when he was arrested for drunk driving on his way home from a gay bar. At the age of 55, he finally came out. He also got sober. Since coming out, he has been able to transform his life from one based in fear to one based in “authenticity, serenity and love.” He has also done a lot of repenting and making amends.
Today, Roy is married to a man named Nattapong Charoenmit.
Of course, I am blogging this today because June is Pride Month here in the US.
I think about the non-hetero people I have come to know over the nearly four decades of life in America, including some of our close friends, and am thankful that we have come a long, long way since the bad old days of criminalizing homosexuality and marginalizing those who did not fit into the heterosexuality label.
The old country too has changed a lot since the bad old days. A news item like this in The Hindu is a measure of how much society has changed for the better:
With an unmissable rainbow flag swaying above the premises of Sahodaran, more than 50 members of the LGBTQIA+ community came together on Monday (June 1, 2026) to hoist it and commence the pride month, chanting slogans of non-discrimination and inclusion.
Chennai Rainbow Pride is entering its 18th year with the Rainbow Pride self-respect march scheduled for June 28.
And:
Archanaa Seker, a Chennai-based activist and member of the [Tamil Nadu Rainbow Coalition (TNRC)] said Pride month and the march were about equality, visibility, and the right to exist and love.
“There is a divisive world out there waiting to break spaces and movements like these. So, it is important we find hope where it is and commit to reparation whenever things go wrong,” she said, adding: “It is more important now than ever before.”
The old country has a long, long way to go though.
Here in the US, the current administration regime is keen on going back on such progress in the name of making the country great again.
The authoritarian promised in July 2016, after he was nominated as the candidate for presidency by the GOP, that he would “do everything in my power to protect LGBTQ citizens from hateful ideology."
He has kept that promise, hasn’t he! I guess he was speaking the truth in a way: He offered to protect them from radical Islam, not from the radical GOP! Now, it appears that he and his toadies want to Make America Straight Again.
Remember, remember, the 3rd of November!